Updated: Nov 19, 2019
So here's the thing. I am a flawed human being that doesn't have all the answers. I struggle with my health and fitness because I love to eat and hate to workout. I don't always feel 100% secure with my body, beauty, and confidence. I am guilty of letting my roles as a wife and a stay at home mom overshadow who I am as a vibrant woman. I feel lost most of the time mostly because I am still trying to figure out who the hell I am and where I fit into God's ultimate plan. But more importantly, the reason I have been MIA is because I have been dealing with depression.
There are times that I've taken "breaks" from social media or just disappeared and retreated to myself because I was depressed. Because I wasn't at my best, I felt like I had nothing positive to offer, so I would just go away until I "felt better". As much as I wanted to, I felt like I couldn't share what I was going through. I felt that admitting that I struggle with depression would make me look weak or fragile, make me "too" vulnerable, open me up to judgement, or just scare people away. So instead of sharing my experiences I would turn into a hermit and close myself off, but in the end it didn't help anyone, especially myself.
I feel like I have been in this dysfunctional relationship with you guys. Where instead of talking about my feelings, I've shut down. The problem is, that's not who I am at all in real life and real relationships. I'm a talker. I like to talk about my feelings and I like to be vulnerable. But for the longest time I struggled because of social media standards. I've always heard that people don't want to hear or see the doom gloom which I understand. Who wants to see or hear heavy issues 24/7. But if I'm being honest life wouldn't be what is without a little a little doom a gloom. People would never, learn, grow or overcome. I know that I want to be an encouragement and inspiration to others, but I failed to realize that it doesn't always have to come wrapped in pretty red bow. Sometimes, just sometimes the doom a gloom can spark sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes it just might help someone else feel like they are not crazy or alone. Everyone has a little doom gloom of their own.
As I am typing this a part of me is scared of what negative impact this could have on how people view me or my brand, but another part of me is scared for what will happen if I don't share my truth. My truth. I am exhausted from trying to present one side of myself. I want to touch lives and create real meaningful connections. In order for me to share who I am completely, I have to be able to talk it out with you. That doesn't make me weak or "too" vulnerable, it makes me human and shows strength. .
So can we start again? This time I will try my best to be more transparent about my struggles as a mom, as a wife, and especially as a growing entrepreneur. I don't know how God plans to use me in His ultimate plan, but I know that I won't be useful to anyone including myself if I don't stay true to who I am. Who I am may not be right for everyone, but it is just right for someone, struggles and all.
"People don't give themselves enough credit for overcoming things and getting better. You made it this far. Celebrate your strength, babe!" -The Female Hustlers