Today before school my 6 year old asked me if I was bringing her to school. I responded yes and shortly after she said "Aaaww" with disappointment in her voice. At first I felt upset that she would even react that way, but then I felt hurt. I felt hurt because I started thinking about how much I do and sacrifice for her because I love her so much and then I realized. It wasn't about her. What she said didn't make me cry, but it triggered something inside me. I was dealing with a bullying feeling called mom guilt.
If you're a mom out there, you know what I'm talking about. It creeps up on you when your inpatient with your kids because your overwhelmed and tired or when you work your ass off to put food on the table, but haven't spent as much time with them as you'd like. Or maybe you're just not the fun one lately because you have one million and one things going through your mind every minute or everyday and you don't have the time that day to be silly fun mommy. Someone told me that I was superwomen and I didn't feel like it. Not because I didn't make sure I got all the important stuff done like breakfast, homework, love, support, discipline, dinner, showers, etc, etc. the list goes on and on, but because I wasn't the fun mom that day. I didn't enjoy being a mom that day because I was overwhelmed and tired.
Here's the thing. It's hard as hell to ask for help when you feel like you don't deserve it. Especially if you are a stay at home mom. You feel like because you're not contributing financially that this is your part, and you have to do your part. You feel like EVERYTHING child and home related falls on you, but it doesn't and it shouldn't. As women and mothers we feel like we can do it all or it can't be done better than us. That may very damn well be true, but it's also A LOT for one person. Being that go to person for EVERYTHING is a lot. Your brain not only thinks for you, but for the people you take care of. Every best and worse possible outcome, how many underwear's you'll need to pack for everyone on the next vacation. Whether or not your daughter has her snack for school (which I freaking forgot today and am shacking my head with disappointment toward myself). You see! You see! Mom guilt in action. SMH. Why are we so hard on ourselves? Why do we put so much, when it comes to our children, on ourselves?
I'm still a work in progress, but I know and you should too that it is OKAY to ask for help. It is OKAY to need a break from your children whom you love so dearly and could never live without. It doesn't make you any less of the kick ass mom you are. Its OKAY to not feel like playing or being the fun mom all the time. Its OKAY not to be perfect because at the end of the day because we are phenomenal and there is no one else that can do what we do PERIOD.
So let's give ourselves some damn credit where credit is due. Let's not feel guilty. Let's ask for more help when we need it. Let's take more breaks so that we can enjoy the times we have with them more. Let's love on ourselves as much as we love on everyone else. Let's go for what we want in life no matter what. Let's do it all. Let's have it all. Because we deserve it all.